Aliens, Monsters and Ghost Jokes
What do you call a spaceship with a faulty air-conditioning unit?
A frying saucer
What do you get if you cross an ex-Popstar with an extra-terrestrial?
What do aliens wear to posh weddings?
What's grey, "mad for it" and lives on Mars?
Did you hear about the man who was captured by extra-terrestrial teddy bears?
He had a close encounter of the furred kind
If Martians live on Mars and Venusians live on Venus , who lives on Pluto ?
Fleas ( Pluto being Mickey Mouse's dog!)
Who's long, slippery, and always phones home when he goes sightseeing?
E.T. the extra tourist eel
Why are aliens messy tea-drinkers?
With flying saucers, it's hard not to spill it
Where do Martians get their eggs?
From the little green hen
Why is an alien like a collection of famous actors' autographs?
They've both come from the stars
What do you get if you cross a Martian with a golf score?
A little green bogey
What are aliens' favourite sweets?
Did you hear about the alien who flew a spaceship from Neptune to Uranus in just 3 minutes and 21 seconds?
He's listed in the Guinness Book Of Out-Of-This-World Records
Why don't aliens celebrate Christmas?
Because they don't like to give away their presence
Who's the greatest footballer on Mars?
How do monsters tell their future?
They read their horrorscope
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately
What do zombies like to eat at a cook out?
What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
A cereal killer
Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're too wrapped up in themselves
What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Did you hear about the cannibal boy that was 8 before he was 7?
Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher
What does a cannibal get when he comes home late for dinner?
The cold shoulder
What does a child monster call his parents?
Mummy and Deady
Why did the Cyclops have to close his school?
He only had one pupil
Which monster likes to fly kites in the rain?
What did the mummy say to the detective?
Let's wrap this case up
What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee?
A boo boo
What is a baby ghost's favorite game?
What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"
What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts
What do ghouls eat for breakfast?
Ghost toasties with evaporated milk
What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
Lemon & slime
What do you get when you goose a ghost?
A handful of sheet
What kind of car does a ghost drive?
What did the mother ghost say to her son?
Don't spook unless you are spooken to
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Why did the ghost pick his nose?
Because he had boogers
What kind of pants do ghosts wear?
Where do fasionable ghosts shop for sheets?
What ride do spirits like best at the amusement park?
The roller ghoster
What do you get when you cross a ghost with an owl?
Something that scares people and doesn't give a hoot
What fairy tale do ghosts like best?
What kind of spirits serve food on a plane?
What kinds of ghosts haunt skyscrapers?
Where do ghosts go swimming?
The dead sea
What's the difference between a fisherman and a sick ghost?
One catches his dinner, the other one loses it
What did the TV. news reporter say to the ghost?
Everyone dead! Boos at 11
Why is a haunted handkerchief so scary?
Because it has boogers
What kind of footware do ghosts from Texas wear?
What do you call a dead chicken that likes to scare people?
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