Psychic Jokes

Psychic Readings

Aliens, Monsters and Ghost Jokes

ALIENS

What do you call a spaceship with a faulty air-conditioning unit?

A frying saucer


What do you get if you cross an ex-Popstar with an extra-terrestrial?

Kym Martian


What do aliens wear to posh weddings?

Space suits


What's grey, "mad for it" and lives on Mars?

Alien Gallagher


Did you hear about the man who was captured by extra-terrestrial teddy bears?

He had a close encounter of the furred kind


If Martians live on Mars and Venusians live on Venus , who lives on Pluto ?

Fleas ( Pluto being Mickey Mouse's dog!)


Who's long, slippery, and always phones home when he goes sightseeing?

E.T. the extra tourist eel


Why are aliens messy tea-drinkers?

With flying saucers, it's hard not to spill it


Where do Martians get their eggs?

From the little green hen


Why is an alien like a collection of famous actors' autographs?

They've both come from the stars


What do you get if you cross a Martian with a golf score?

A little green bogey


What are aliens' favourite sweets?

Martian-mallows


Did you hear about the alien who flew a spaceship from Neptune to Uranus in just 3 minutes and 21 seconds?

He's listed in the Guinness Book Of Out-Of-This-World Records


Why don't aliens celebrate Christmas?

Because they don't like to give away their presence


Who's the greatest footballer on Mars?

Michael UFOwen


MONSTERS

How do monsters tell their future?

They read their horrorscope


Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?

No, they eat the fingers separately


What do zombies like to eat at a cook out?

Halloweenies


What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?

Shrinkenstein


What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?

A cereal killer


Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?

They're too wrapped up in themselves


What kind of streets do zombies like the best?

Dead ends


Did you hear about the cannibal boy that was 8 before he was 7?
Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?

He was buttering up his teacher


What does a cannibal get when he comes home late for dinner?

The cold shoulder


What does a child monster call his parents?

Mummy and Deady


Why did the Cyclops have to close his school?

He only had one pupil


Which monster likes to fly kites in the rain?

Benjamin Franklinstein


What did the mummy say to the detective?

Let's wrap this case up


GHOSTS

What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?

Booberries


What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee?

A boo boo


What is a baby ghost's favorite game?

Peekaboo


What did one ghost say to the other ghost?

"Do you believe in people?"


What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?

Fasten your sheet belts


What do ghouls eat for breakfast?

Ghost toasties with evaporated milk


What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?

A scareplane


What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?

Lemon & slime


What do you get when you goose a ghost?

A handful of sheet


What kind of car does a ghost drive?

A Boo-ick


What did the mother ghost say to her son?

Don't spook unless you are spooken to


What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Sham-boo


Why did the ghost pick his nose?

Because he had boogers


What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boojeans


Where do fasionable ghosts shop for sheets?

At bootiques


What ride do spirits like best at the amusement park?

The roller ghoster


What do you get when you cross a ghost with an owl?

Something that scares people and doesn't give a hoot


What fairy tale do ghosts like best?

Sleeping booty


What kind of spirits serve food on a plane?

Airline ghostesses


What kinds of ghosts haunt skyscrapers?

High spirits


Where do ghosts go swimming?

The dead sea


What's the difference between a fisherman and a sick ghost?

One catches his dinner, the other one loses it


What did the TV. news reporter say to the ghost?

Everyone dead! Boos at 11


Why is a haunted handkerchief so scary?

Because it has boogers


What kind of footware do ghosts from Texas wear?

Boots


What do you call a dead chicken that likes to scare people?

A Poultrygeist

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