Psychic Jokes

Psychic Readings

Aliens, Monsters and Ghost Jokes


What do you call a spaceship with a faulty air-conditioning unit?

A frying saucer

What do you get if you cross an ex-Popstar with an extra-terrestrial?

Kym Martian

What do aliens wear to posh weddings?

Space suits

What's grey, "mad for it" and lives on Mars?

Alien Gallagher

Did you hear about the man who was captured by extra-terrestrial teddy bears?

He had a close encounter of the furred kind

If Martians live on Mars and Venusians live on Venus , who lives on Pluto ?

Fleas ( Pluto being Mickey Mouse's dog!)

Who's long, slippery, and always phones home when he goes sightseeing?

E.T. the extra tourist eel

Why are aliens messy tea-drinkers?

With flying saucers, it's hard not to spill it

Where do Martians get their eggs?

From the little green hen

Why is an alien like a collection of famous actors' autographs?

They've both come from the stars

What do you get if you cross a Martian with a golf score?

A little green bogey

What are aliens' favourite sweets?


Did you hear about the alien who flew a spaceship from Neptune to Uranus in just 3 minutes and 21 seconds?

He's listed in the Guinness Book Of Out-Of-This-World Records

Why don't aliens celebrate Christmas?

Because they don't like to give away their presence

Who's the greatest footballer on Mars?

Michael UFOwen


How do monsters tell their future?

They read their horrorscope

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?

No, they eat the fingers separately

What do zombies like to eat at a cook out?


What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?


What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?

A cereal killer

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?

They're too wrapped up in themselves

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?

Dead ends

Did you hear about the cannibal boy that was 8 before he was 7?
Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?

He was buttering up his teacher

What does a cannibal get when he comes home late for dinner?

The cold shoulder

What does a child monster call his parents?

Mummy and Deady

Why did the Cyclops have to close his school?

He only had one pupil

Which monster likes to fly kites in the rain?

Benjamin Franklinstein

What did the mummy say to the detective?

Let's wrap this case up


What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?


What does a ghost get when he falls and scrapes his knee?

A boo boo

What is a baby ghost's favorite game?


What did one ghost say to the other ghost?

"Do you believe in people?"

What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?

Fasten your sheet belts

What do ghouls eat for breakfast?

Ghost toasties with evaporated milk

What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?

A scareplane

What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?

Lemon & slime

What do you get when you goose a ghost?

A handful of sheet

What kind of car does a ghost drive?

A Boo-ick

What did the mother ghost say to her son?

Don't spook unless you are spooken to

What do ghosts use to wash their hair?


Why did the ghost pick his nose?

Because he had boogers

What kind of pants do ghosts wear?


Where do fasionable ghosts shop for sheets?

At bootiques

What ride do spirits like best at the amusement park?

The roller ghoster

What do you get when you cross a ghost with an owl?

Something that scares people and doesn't give a hoot

What fairy tale do ghosts like best?

Sleeping booty

What kind of spirits serve food on a plane?

Airline ghostesses

What kinds of ghosts haunt skyscrapers?

High spirits

Where do ghosts go swimming?

The dead sea

What's the difference between a fisherman and a sick ghost?

One catches his dinner, the other one loses it

What did the TV. news reporter say to the ghost?

Everyone dead! Boos at 11

Why is a haunted handkerchief so scary?

Because it has boogers

What kind of footware do ghosts from Texas wear?


What do you call a dead chicken that likes to scare people?

A Poultrygeist

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